I think what you have so far in your draft shows so much potential! With that being said, first off, I think you should consider possibly providing some background information on metaphors themselves i,e the definition, how they are used, in what context can they be positive or negative etc. I feel that this would really set the stage for the rest of the essay and give the reader a strong grip on the topic before you hit them with quotes and opinions. However, I find your argument to be very strong throughout the content you have so far. Considering the direction your essay seems to be going in so far, II advise that you focus mainly on referencing Geary’s dead talk and merely sprinkle in quotes from the other text to strengthen your argument as needed. I think you’re going to have more than enough leverage to make your argument by centering your essay around Geary. Overall, great job so far! Good luck!
First off, great job on your essay so far! As far as your intro goes I think it may benefit by you adding some words easing the reader into the topic of metaphors. In your second paragraph I noticed that your opening sentence would work perfectly if incorporated into your intro.It reads “What is a metaphor? And how can something so simple change someone’s outlook on their health.” I think this sentence would introduce your standpoint on the topic perfectly. It was clear to me in reading your essay so far that you seem to be centering your argument around the metaphors in medicine reading, so I recommend sticking primarily to that source and sprinkle in other sources as needed. In addition I loved your use of the quotes so far in supporting your argument and adding some depth to your text. Your transitions into each paragraph are clean. Lastly, I feel the last paragraph you have so far might work well as a concluding paragraph or maybe something slightly similar. In conclusion, great job so far!
You offer your peers great encouragement as you consistently engage with your text. Don’t be afraid to expand your more critical marginal comments and suggestions. You could address the relationship between a paragraph’s claim and the paper’s thesis, for example. Perhaps you could suggest a specific quote that your peer could use. Keep up the good hard work, and please reach out with any questions or concerns.