Peer Review 2

The big thing I noticed here with this draft was that the introduction seemed a bit slow to the point and lacked the clear and straight to the point kind of thesis that should ideally be found in a developed final draft. With that being said, I will say that I thought that references to Beck in this essay were great and a perfect use of the source. Additionally, I feel that some places throughout the draft in which the writer mentioned their personal experiences with basketball and how those details affected their overall life narrative lacked a bit of detail. With this being said, if some of these points could be developed a bit more I think it will create a really powerful reference to real-life experiences with narrative and really catch the reader’s attention. Though Beck is used very successfully throughout the draft I feel that looking at the basketball experiences at another angle may open the door for Strawson to be used, as the essay at this point seems to revolve only around Beck. Despite this, I feel that this draft is a great foundation for a successful essay and with some more thought into the little details and depth of the argument, there will be a really great final draft to be had here! Well done!